Confessions of a Mischievous Fae
by Talia Sunsong
I’m not evil. At least not that evil. I just like to do pranks. Like putting hot peppers in the unicorn’s food (I almost got gored to death for that. Unicorns are not as sweet as they look. It’s lucky that Fae are tough creatures).
I am not a dainty fairy. I do not eat with small bites or wave a wand with a slender hand. I gobble down sweet food like a starved wolf. I have “issues” with drinking cream. It’s like alcohol to my Fae metabolism. I fly into trees under the influence of cream, and swear with Fae curses that would make a dockworker blush. I sing bawdy Fae songs about meeting shirtless male Fae in secluded spots for close encounters.
Don’t ever drink Fae juice. Apparently it’s a hallucinogen to non-Fae beings, like Halflings and Humans. An innocent Halfling naively drank the juice. He ended up diving into the river to escape a giant chicken that appeared to him (and no one else could see it).
I think the Fae juice was contaminated with purple mushrooms. I gather mushrooms in the Fairylands to trade for cream in the human marketplace. Sometimes mushrooms in the Fairylands contain traces of magic from the land, and the results are not always predictable. As I carry the mushrooms to market, spores fall off. The spores seed more mushrooms which grow, and grow, and grow. One Halfling had a mushroom clog her chimney in the shire. Mushrooms are now the size of houses and grow in strange places in the middle of town, including blocking roads. I don’t worry about it. I just use the giant mushrooms for shade, but the humans get all worked up about it.
Some mushrooms act like truth serum on humans. A gypsy, who stole from pirates, found that out the hard way. She kept telling the truth, which was bad for her business. Luckily she did escape the pirates with only a few bruises to show for it. The gypsy wanted a “cure” for the truth serum mushroom. As a Fae, I don’t understand human culture, or why you need a cure for honesty. They tried to explain to me that sometimes the truth has to be approached with delicacy and diplomacy. I’m not delicate or diplomatic. As a Fae I’m always myself, for better or worse.
I’m off to the Fairylands for now. Would you like a swig of Fae juice before I go?